Every day with Lyme disease is an Olympic event. Unpredictable. Hard on the body. A mental and physical test. Filled with Impressive feats, exhilirating achievements, and monumentous let downs. Here’s an “Olymepic” tribute to all the Lymies out there who know exactly what I mean! Below are some recent Olympic vs Olymepic events from my daily life:
1. Biathlon vs. Biathroom. Cross-country? Shooting? I can’t even get across town without this Lyme bladder acting up. The only thing I’m shooting for is a bathroom around every corner. It’s no coincidence that this is “number 1”.
2. Cross-country Skiing vs. Upstairs Climbing: My legs burn just from carrying my laundry up the stairs.
3. Figure Skating vs. Figure Standing: With this vertigo, every other step can feel like the Triple Lutz or Triple Salchow.
4. Free-style Skiing vs. Free-style Sleeping: Last week shortly after dinner, I fell asleep on the couch spread-eagle with the remote in my hand. Only to find the kids had snuck the remote from my grip to order movies for the next 3 hours.
5. Ice Hockey vs. Eyes Hockey. Seriously. How many floaters can one have in ones eyes? It’s like skaters constantly gliding across the ice, er, eyes!
6. Luge vs. Lose. I win. I win the GOLD MEDAL. For losing and misplacing absolutely everything I put in my hands. My keys. The peanut butter. My son’s iPod. My daughter’s library book. I’m losing my MIND.
7. Ski Jumping vs. Pee Jumping. Pee jumping should not be confused with the biathroom event. The biathroom is a mad dash to the bathroom. Pee jumping is enduring the bladder spasms and trying to hold my pee.
8. Snowboard vs. Snow Chores. Nothing is worse than back pain from Lyme…except back pain from Lyme plus back pain from shoveling New Hampshire snow.
9. Speed Skating vs. Speed Talking. There’s an obvious disconnect between my racing mind and my verbal motor skills. My mouth just cannot seem to keep pace with my mind. Which makes me sound like a stuttering mess at times. Like now. S-S-S-S-Sochi!!!