English: Screenshot of The Mad Hatter from the...

English: Screenshot of The Mad Hatter from the trailer for the film Alice in Wonderland. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Okay. Okay, Borrelia. If anyone can be childish, it’s me. But this week, this week you win. The minute I believe deep down I’m 90% back, 90% recovered,  you’ve gotta have a trantrum. In my bladder.  And make me the Mad Bladder all over again. Thanks, Borrelia in Wonderland, thanks. I’m gonna keep going with this childish behavior theme here. Because I think I know what’s going on. I can visualize the little Red Rover, Red Rover game you have going on inside me.  All you bacteria in there, attaching and linking to one another like an evil little game of Red Rover. And in doing so, creating a film or blanket of mucopolysaccharides. Which prevents anything from getting through it. Like antibiotics or antibiotic herbs, unable to reach you, their target! Technically, I realize, this is called bioflim. Hmmm. Biofilm is a biobitch. In fact, you probably invited your little microbe friends to join you in there. Like the lovely infectionista Bartonella. So now you are both protected from what I throw at you by this biofilm. Not only are you protected, you may actually be creating hybrid organisms within your little biofilm bubble. Is that why I continue to be the Mad Bladder? And InflameBrain? Is it the result of these, your childish biofilm games? That make treatment or full recovery almost impossible?

Well, I’ve got my new playbook, Borrelia. It’s called Insights Into Lyme Disease Treatment, by Connie Strasheim, author and fellow lyme disease sufferer, and the resource behind www.lymebytes.blogspot.com. Each chapter of her new book is written by a lyme literate physician, sharing their experiences, approaches, challenges and successes in treating lyme. I’m on chapter 3, Borrelia and getting some great tips. Maybe I’m going to throw some enzymes at you, like nattokinase supplements.  Or maybe lysozyme. Or both. To eat away at the biofilm. To end Red Rover for once and for all.

You know, B. A few things I read really struck me. Like in chapter one by Steven Harris, M.D. Where he says the people who tend to heal from Lyme disease  are those who don’t know how sick they are. I would say that fits me. I don’t like numbers. I don’t want to know my CD57 count. I do not want how I think I should feel to be determined by a number or test result. I avoid going back to the doctor for as long as I can. I’ve ignored follow up tests (not necessarily a good thing).  And most days, I do well with this outlook–just keep on keeping on. But it seems just when I tell myself I’m 90% “back”, you suck me back in. Like today, making me feel like the Mad Bladder.  Stopping four times to use the bathroom during an hour long commute.  I  guess I have to continue what Dr. Harris says his most successful patients have done–just get out there and do things, live life, and function despite the adversity.

Dr. Harris also wrote something else powerful. For the first time, I felt that an outsider actually understood the isolation and self-doubt you have made me feel, Borrelia. Dr. Harris writes, “People with Lyme disease are generally really sick, and have been this way for a long time, but their families, doctors or friends sometimes don’t believe that they are unwell….As a result, they feel isolated as if they have been living in a twilight zone, or are going crazy. So they develop a mistrust of others, and even of themselves, and they start questioning whether they are legitimately sick. The seocnd-guessing and this burden of guilt that people develop from being so pushed aside, is the number one most difficult aspect of having lyme disease”…

… Yup.  That is a perfect description. Perfect. Just look at the self doubt today, Borrelia . I’m back! Wait, no I’m not. Wait, what if it’s not and never was lyme disease?” It never ends. And the feelings of isolation or of being misunderstood by family and friends? It’s why I started this blog in the first place, Borrelia. To let them into my world. To help them understand that while I appearred well, I was struggling, physically and mentally. And tired. And anxious. And absent-minded. And that there were real reasons behind this, not empty excuses, as hard as it may be to believe or understand.

You’re going to enjoy storytime, tonight, Borrelia. This Mad Bladder is going to start chapter 4! For more inspiration, more ideas, and more ammunition against your childish mind and body games! Good night, Borrelia in Wonderland.